the gallery

Family photos are a glimpse into the past + also a reminder of what once was. Sometimes what could be. Something present, something missing. It’s a privilege to live in an era where having proof of memories captured for us in this way. After losing more loved ones than I’d like in my adult life, I have spent long amounts of time looking through my family photo albums. I thought I had seen them all, so finding a new photo feels sacred. A found treasure. 

 

I haven’t seen my Grandma Fed, Anne Fedeshen, since December 2011. The hole a grandma leaves when she leaves us can’t always be filled. Sometimes one gets lucky with an elderly neighbor or older relative, a daily hello at your neighborhood coffee shop, a friend’s grandma - a “replacement.” I never had a replacement. And over the last few years I have found myself thinking about this very specific relationship and dynamic we hold with our elders. How when my own grandma passed I wasn’t at an age where I could fully appreciate all the wisdom I could gain from her. As I continued through my 20s and now 30s, I find myself wishing I had asked more questions. Wishing I could pick up the phone and chat with Grandma Fed. 

 

I found this photo looking through a family photo album at the start of 2025 - I had never seen it before. I looked at it and imagined her calling me. What would we talk about? What would our relationship be like now? When someone leaves us earth side, they leave a hole. I have a handful of holes now, and I don’t always know how to fill them - how to fill the time that should theoretically be spent with those I’ve lost. We all have these empty spaces to fill. This time, I decided to fill mine with drawing. Seeking closeness and comfort, and with curiosity, I drew and drew and drew. I was happy, I was bored, I laughed, I cried. It was repetitive, it was grounding, it was a practice. I drew 5 and then none and then 2 and then stopped and then started again. Here she is again and again and again. Anne, Grandma Fed, do you see her? Do you see someone you love?